AMANDA: Are you the before?
BETTY: ...
AMANDA: Are you de-liv-er-ing something?
AMANDA: [about a client] Ah, she's so fabulously douchy!
AMANDA: Oh my God, if that showerhead could pay my bills I would marry it.
AMANDA: H-ola.
IGNACIO: Actually, it's more like "ola."
AMANDA: Uh, no it's not. It has an H. Duh.
CAROL: Too bad about your Wilhelmina meeting… We’ll miss you around here.
AMANDA: Shut up, Carol.
CAROL: I don’t know if there’s rehab for whatever this is. But consider it before starting your job hunt. And Betty, I think I might miss you most of all.I t was nice having someone fatter than me.
MARC: Fat Carol.
AMANDA:Fat Carol.
BETTY: Fat Carol.
BETTY: Was this all one big joke to you? Watching me run around the city in a butterfly costume, getting underwear thrown at my head? All for laughs?
AMANDA: Does it look like I’m laughing?
BETTY: Then why didn’t you say something if you had this watch the entire time?
AMANDA: Why? Maybe because I was hoping that Monday night was the one night of the week that your boss would remember. Stupid me, huh?
BETTY: Don't you two have some kind of agreement?
AMANDA: Yeah. He dates anything that moves and I agree to smile and take their messages. And now I'm sending them flowers too.
BETTY: Does Daniel know you feel this way about him?
AMANDA: Please, he's Daniel Meade. Take a number and wait in line.
AMANDA: So, I hear Daniel gave you a big writing assignment.
BETTY: Yes, it's really exciting. It's my first one.
AMANDA: Well, word of advice - you may want to take theBetty-wear down just a notch. The human pinata look may be all the rage in Queens, but in SoHo they'll arrest you for crimes against humanity. Have fun!
AMANDA: What is the first thing I ever said to you?
BETTY: Are you the before?
AMANDA: Okay, the second thing?
BETTY: Are you delivering something?
AMANDA: Whatever.
MARC: Are you packing heat?
AMANDA: Always!
MARC: Amanda, I'm not flirting with you! Does anyone here have a gun?
AMANDA: Look around, we're a bunch of unstable, hungry backstabbing bitches. Do you think anyone would really sell us guns? Relax! Have a drink.
MARC: That’s easy for you to say, your boss doesn’t want you dead!
AMANDA: An article? Oooh. Make me sound extra glamorous. And skinny.
BETTY: So honest quote. What did you think of me when I first arrived?
AMANDA: Well I hated you, of course.
BETTY: Hated me. Is that because I didn't look like everybody else?
AMANDA: No. It's because I'd been angling for this position for months, and
you traipse in here with your bushy eyebrows and really bad bangs, and
I'm like, THAT took my job?
BETTY: You're really confirming everything I'm writing about, thank you.
AMANDA: Well, I must confess, at a certain point I did become envious of you.
BETTY: Wait, you became envious of me?
AMANDA: Only in the most bizarro way of course. I mean, I can't leave the house with an out of season handbag and you show up on a daily basis looking like a... yard sale. Didn't even care. It's like you were genetically engineered without the fear gene. I gotta give you props.
BETTY: Thank you Amanda.
AMANDA: Oh and FYI, none of this means I like you or anything.
BETTY: Of course.
MARC: You have to prove your loyalty to the queen.
AMANDA: You?
MARC: Awww. No, Wilhelmina!
AMANDA: You're booking a cruise? You can't afford to cruise the men's room on the 9th floor!
[Betty is under the desk]
AMANDA: Henry, looking for Betty? She's right down here. [to Betty] What? I'm bored.
AMANDA: Oh grow a set, Bambi. You've been working here long enough. It is time to seize your inner MODE girl. MODE girls aren't the other woman, we are the only women.